Eugene, the UP & OVER.

Eugene Half Marathon Weekend & Oiselle Meet Up

The WHOLE Experience

The Flight
I flew to Eugene on a terrible United flight. As the turbulence made my stomach feel like it was going to come up from my throat, I thought about what this race meant to me. It was going to be my first real race (longer than a 5K) on my knee, it would be my first race at a slightly heavier weight (5 extra lbs of injury weight), it would be the first race where I wouldn't know people on the course (except the Oiselle girls that I would meet about 24 hours before), it would be the first race where Chris wouldn't be a 10 minute drive from (despite what he thinks, he is always my saving grace after a bad race).

What expectations would the girls have of me? What expectations would I have of myself? What if I ran a really crappy race? What if my knee hurt? What if I disappointed, not only myself, but the new friends I would meet? What would they be like? Would they be really intense? Competitive? Friendly? Cliquish?

None of the thoughts that I had were very positive. I tried to swallow my stomach and not think about it for the rest of the flight. But it began to consume me. (Typical Type A). After the flight landed in Portland, I ran to the other flight (to Eugene), where I sat next to a girl (don't even remember her name). I ended up riding to the expo with her (random stranger) and her husband. They were both personal trainers from Ohio and this would be her 14th marathon. All she could talk about was her homemade Quinoa and some 'reset' diet she was trying.. and all I could think about was meeting the Oiselle girls for the first time. Her husband pointed out a sheep farm, where I noticed the sheep walking in the sunlight - I'm not sure why I remember this, but I thought of their future. It didn't look hopeful with the giant red X spray painted on their sides. Glad I'm a vegetarian.

The Expo
I walked into the expo and found a saving grace. Holly. I knew her from Houston, local races and she was on the Oiselle team. I began to feel comfortable. I broke into the conversation and before I knew it - girls were hugging me, recognizing me from Twitter, asking how the flight was - nothing but smiles. I was really surprised how friendly everyone one. I'm not sure why I felt I needed my guard up. As I've gotten older, its become more of a habit to guard myself. Running makes me feel so vulnerable. Maybe this wasn't going to be such a bad race. After walking through the expo, I met Sarah *Lime* (I love her) for the first time. For some reason I thought she would be more standoffish and shorter. But she basically scooped me up in a big 'welcome to the madness' hug. Again, a little of my guard came down.

Lauren Fleshman, an amazing elite runner sponsored by Oiselle was speaking at the Expo. The Oiselle team took over the last few rows of seats. I was in awe of her. I had seen her race on TV, computers and like a creep googled pictures of her finishing and winning races. Here she was, in person pretty much 5 feet from me. On a team that I was also on. She went over 4 topics, but the main topic was how to control what you can and how to let go of things you cannot. I was sitting in the middle of the row, surrounded by Oiselle girls - all laser focused and hanging on to her words like a last breath, and finally Lauren said something that struck me like a lightening bolt. She said that when things get tough during her runs and races - she repeats this: I am athletic. I am graceful. I am explosive. Lately, I have been really struggling with my confidence since I hurt my knee. My paces have slowed, my weight jumped up (on my small frame its a lot), my motivation has been shot. So her candidly talking about how she has 'bad thoughts' during races - was something I could relate to and something I didn't know elites also struggled with. Her mantra would be something I would repeat during the race.

I am 3rd from left on middle row.

The House

HOUSE: Me, Meghan, Robyn, Kristina, Sarah & Emily - Post Race

I walked into the house and one of the girls told me I'd be bunking with Robyn. I thought, Oh great - I'd be sharing a bed with a complete random stranger. Turns out, Robyn would be the coolest roomie - and she came in 3rd in her age group for the half marathon (1:28 I think). Crazy fast. She would really (unknowingly) help me battle my prerace anxiety.The house was lively. The girls were anxious and excited about the race. We ended up going to dinner at the other house (not all the Oiselle girls could fit in one house). We all shared this huge pasta dinner and laughed about past races. We rolled out on the foam roller, discussed goals.. Everyone was so friendly, but I remained pretty quiet. I didn't really know what to talk about. I could tell from conversation that I wasn't nearly as fast as some of these girls, so I definitely didn't want to talk about times. But the girls sucked me into conversation about my wedding planning and my fat English bulldogs. I guess they could tell I was a little intimated by their awesomeness. The pasta was awesome (thanks Holly & Corey) and before I knew it, we were back at our house, pulling out clothes for the race. I do have to mention that a few girls were drinking crazy amounts of beer - which I thought was awesome. Their lightheartedness towards the race, relaxed me. I finally started to think, if it doesn't go as planned - then I can just enjoy the run.

Robyn my roomie. <3

The Race
I shot out of bed at the ass crack of dawn with Robyn. I started to feel my race morning anxiety. I needed to calm down, I needed to remember that.. I am athletic. I am graceful. I am explosive. I was ready in a heart beat. This was it. No turning back now. No excuses. Sarah *Lime* and I ran the 1.5 miles to the race start as our warm up. It was uphill. This short 1.5 mile run reminded me very quickly that Houston is uber flat. My lungs were already parched with air. We met up with the Oiselle girls and Nuun girls. Everything went by so fast. We quickly made our way to bag drop and the porta-potty. At the porta-potty I told Sarah to have a great race, and actually ran into Andrea. Jeez. Oiselle girls seemed to be everywhere. Andrea and I made our way over to the corral. We stood there during the moment of silence, I kept looking at my shoes. Mentally giving my feet a pep talk. Touching my ring, thinking about Chris and what he would tell me. "Eat mileage for breakfast". When we started to move forward, I wished Andrea the best of luck - and told her I'd see her at the finish!

I crossed the start line in the typical stop and go movement. I knew I shouldn't shoot for a PR (knee drama) but I didn't want the Oiselle girls to think I was a slow runner. The pressure. Once the crowd started to spread out a bit, I took off (at least thats what it felt like). I was flying over the pavement. I remember taking the second right turn, through the neighborhood and I took the tangent like an elite runner, there was no slowing down as I leaned into the curb. This was awesome. I looked at my watch 8:25 pace. Doable. The first few miles seemed to fly by. One thing I was concerned about was the water situation. Being from Texas, I am really used to water stations at least every 1.5-2 miles. I am not sure if I missed the first water station or what - but I had already barreled over the 5K mark, was at mile 4.7 and needed some water. STAT. Finally the next water stop came up and I took a Gatorade and a water *double fisting* (unheard of for me but was worried about where the next stop was). I flew over the 10K mark at an average pace of 8:37. Doable. I had my sights set on this girl in orange shorts in front of me. Kelli the predator was coming out to play. I locked in on her orange shorts and told her (under my breath) "I'm coming for you". She took the right turn tangent really well, I followed suit.

Holy Shit. After that turn my eyes followed the road ahead of her. The road literally went straight up into the sky. Okay, I exaggerate a little bit. But it was a HUGE hill. Compared to what I run in Houston. I had figured the race would have some small inclines but this hill was completely unexpected. Okay, I thought to myself.. How the hell was I going to tackle this hill, keep my pace, keep Orange shorts in my sights, finish strong, deal with my knee.. Thoughts swirled in my head.. I was only at mile 8. I knew I'd need to save my legs for the finish. The hill broke into three segments. Run up, flat section, run up #2, flat section, run up #3, flat section (downhill). I began to barrel up this mountain. Lungs said nope. I began to huff and puff. I made it to the first flat section and slowed down to catch my breath. I ran (much slower) up the second section, got to the second flat bit and stopped running. I stood there and watched orange shorts gracefully fly up this hill and disappear. People were walking, bent over at the waist...and I was one of them. Run Kelli. I saw a woman (Laurels mom) dressed in Oiselle and ran towards her - she said hey you ok? I don't remember what I said, but I am sure it was a mix of gargly sounds and me gasping for air. She smiled big told me to keep it up - and pushed through the third part of the hill. I got to the top of the hill and was REALLY excited for the downhill. I knew that I could really pick up my cadence, lean into the the downhill and make up some serious time that I had lost. WHERE IS THE DOWNHILL? No where in sight. We kept running through the woods (gorgeous course) and my legs began to feel like lead. Its like I couldn't pick them up to take a full stride. I hit mile 9.5(ish) and HURRAY the downhill. Go Kelli. Run your ASS OFF. I tried my best to pick up my foot strike and lean into the down hill. Unfortunately my legs had made up their mind. They were tired and shot from the hill. It seemed like I was dragging. My legs were completely done. I could start to feel every step. Like I was the jolly green giant stomping on the ground. Girls started to pass me. (If you know me, I don't like it when I get passed up. I typically pick up the speed and finish strong, but I had nothing).

Emily, JJ & Meghan - Oiselle Cheer Squad

I saw the Oiselle girls at mile 9. They started to scream and all I said was "I didn't fly all this way not to get my medal". I guess I said that because I was already thinking (at mile 9/10) to drop the race. I couldn't drop. I was 3 miles away. One loop at Memorial Park. Come on Kelli Run.

I am athletic. I am graceful. I am explosive. (Well maybe not explosive right now, nor graceful, but I am an athlete and athletes FINISH.) Mile 11-12 sucked. My pace was the slowest its been in about a year.

Mile 13 seemed to drag on for all of eternity. How long can a mile really be - I kept asking myself this over and over. Then I started to see the crowds. Finally, Hayward Field. I took out my headphones that I put in around mile 6 to distract me. I heard the announcer calling out names. I started to funnel in toward the entrance of the field. The field that so many elite, amazing athletes had started their careers. The field the Steve Prefontaine ran. I had 200 meters to go. Once my foot hit the soft and bouncy track, I gave it everything I had. My lungs were going to explode. My legs were refusing to work. My heart was going to jump out of my chest. I saw the clock and it registered that I would not PR, and I think I crossed the finish line with a really pissed off look. The volunteer grabbed me and asked me if I was ok. All I could muster up to say was "water".

The finish

2:03:47 To some people, a great time. To me, a terrible time. But I have to remind myself that I had a knee injury, I ran up what seemed like a mountain, I didn't know the course, and I didn't drink any water. They all seemed like excuses.








Post Race

Post Race Beers & Cider

There was beer, food, personal talks with Lauren Fleshman & Stephanie Rothstein (another pro runner). It was great to hear all the race stories. So many girls BQ'd, some didn't, some DNF, some ran for fun... I realized that every run isn't going to be my best. Its better that I learn from my experience. What I take from the race is what I need to apply in my training. After the post race party - I realized its my time to BQ. This next year I am going to dedicate myself to getting a 3:35 marathon. Doable.

After the race my guard came completely down. I felt no pressure and began to really chat the girls up. I finally felt like I could breathe a huge sigh of relief. I may have had a really crappy race. But none of the girls judged me. Actually it was the opposite. One of the girls (JJ who I adore) told me she was really proud of me. It almost brought me to tears. Its been a REALLY long time since I was really proud of my race results. I had another conversation with a Oiselle team mate (Stout) when we were waiting for the bathroom. She gave me so much confidence. She made me realize my BQ isn't too far fetched. Robyn, when we had our last night in the house - she really gave me a boost to trust my training. Meghan also made me feel like I could absolutely run a BQ. And her chip salad is pretty remarkable. :)

All in all the Oiselle girls are supportive. Awesome. Crazy fast. They are like family now... I love each of em! They gave me a renewed confidence, a new trust, a new ability to reach my goals. I left Eugene with a pride that I haven't had since I hurt my knee. I credit the team and the Oiselle company/brand for bringing a really badass group of girls together. I'm proud to be on a part of the Oiselle story. BQ here I come. When is the next Oiselle meet up??

Ok - My fingers hurt from typing.. Here are post race pictures. I'll update when the official race photos are published.

I didn't want to leave. Actually we had a few bad omens of broken glass.

Jocelyn & I after the race!

Post Race Oiselle Team

Time For Change

Yesterday wasn't like any other typical day. I woke up, dreading the fact I would drive to my office, sit at my desk and stare at a computer screen for hours upon hours. Of course I would take the occasional pee break, coffee break, break to go talk to another human therefore I knew I was remaining sane throughout the day. That I still had social skills. I walked into my office, always the first one there - but if I was late I'd hear about it. Started up my computer and thought to myself. I want more than this.

We had an 8:15 meeting which was an absolute disaster. We talked about the future of the company, we talked about current projects, then my boss (our relationship has been really strained) asked me what I was up to. I looked at him, sighed really heavily (I had become jaded to his interrogations) and said, "Not a whole lot". That was half a lie and half the truth. I had been working on a project for one of our portfolio companies, but he wouldn't care and he wouldn't think it was significant. What did he do? He had an outburst of a belly bouncing laugh. This booming laugh, which seemed to be contagious to everyone around the table but me. I looked at him straight faced, hurt, upset at his lack of management towards me, upset that I was pigeoned into a job that was draining the life out of me... and I knew. I knew today I would no longer sit and stare at my computer screen.

We finished the meeting and I strolled back to my office, called Chris and said - this is it. I'm quitting my job.

Here is a bit of background.

I am what people would stereotype as an artsy fartsy. I love all things colors, shapes, textures. I walk through a clothing store and I touch all the fabrics, enjoying how the slip around my fingers  When I watch the news, I can become overwhelmed with emotions and cry when nothing positive is taking place in the world. I am against needless war. I think all people have a right to get married and to love who ever they choose. I believe the mantra of Namaste. I believe that love is never faulting. I love people and can openly trust and talk to anyone. Everyone is a friend in my book.

Yet... I've been in corporate America, specifically M&A finance for 7 years. I make stupid money, work stupid hours (some days not even seeing daylight - go in before sunrise, leave after sunset), and absolutely hate numbers. Money has sucked me into a certain lifestyle, fancy car, big house, expensive jewelry  designer clothing. I have become lost to witnessing the beauty of the world. The simplistic bliss life can bring.

I decided that it would be my last day in a job that sucked happiness from me. I would forfeit the money and expensive things - just to be able to feel again. I literally had become numb to feeling the little joys of life. Some people might read this and say that I am being overly dramatic. They clearly have never been in a position that pretty much feels like your mind is going against the grain on a page of sandpaper. Literally trying to put a square peg in a round hole - or whatever that saying is.

So I walked into my boss's office, told him we needed to talk and shut the door...

When I walked out of his office, approximately 15 minutes later. The weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders. I had a huge smile on my face that I couldn't hide. Everyone sort of stared at me in disbelief that I had just quit my job. I grabbed my purse. Left my iPad, corporate credit card, laptop - and walked out of the office. (Typically in Finance you are asked to leave as soon as you quit or are let go due to proprietary information). My boss told me I could come back on Friday afternoon and get the rest of my personal stuff.

I can't begin to tell you how excited I am to go on this adventure. I get to find myself, I get to run, I get to think about my future, I get to travel.... Life is good. I can see the blossoms once again. I am free from the chains my Excel spreadsheets used to have on me.

The Comeback Kid.

Saturday was an amazing day. I woke up early and wandered over to the coffee pot. I kept thinking to myself as my K-Cup brewed, how would my body react to a race? My confidence and endurance has significantly slipped over the last 4 months. The Houston Marathon and my knee injury derailed my spring training. My weight has increased and the muscles I used to be so proud of, are now covered in a layer of what I like to call injury fat.

I sipped my coffee and braided my lucky strip of hair (strange running superstition), kissed the man good bye and headed out the door. As I drove to the area of the city the race was being held - I kept thinking to myself how I never really gave 5K's the time of day. I always focused on longer distances, my goals are all long distant goals. I also kept thinking about my knee and how it was going to react to me pushing hard. I wondered if the next day it would be stiff and painful. A chronic injury that has plagued me for months. For once I just wanted to run pain-free.

I stood in the start line, watching the people around me. I thought to myself that this race was a fun run, that if pain started to creep up, I could walk, or stop, or give up.

I have these strange little habits during a race. As soon as I cross the start line, start my watch - I repeat to myself in my head (sometimes out loud) "Find Your Stride". It's my mantra. There is a stride I have hit, thats fast and effortless. It's like gliding over the pavement. That stride makes me smile and allows me to feel strong. That stride reminds me that all my hard work and early mornings pay off. "Find Your Stride". The funny thing about this stride, is that is comes and it goes. I constantly have to remind myself to search for it. I think thats a major difference between me and some of the elite Houston runners (or more efficient runners). They find their stride so quickly and they can maintain their stride throughout their entire run; long or short.

Find Your Stride. I took the first turn and thought to myself, you ran out too fast. You're going to crash and burn on this silly 5K. You're not going to be the runner you want to be.

Thoughts like this consume me. I've struggled throughout the last year, it seems, with these terrible thoughts. I don't know when this little negative Kelli moved into my brain and decided to set up shop on my shoulder. But she hasn't budged in a really long time. My mind began to argue with itself.

Find Your Stride. You can't run this fast for even a silly 5K. Engage your abs. What abs? You gained weight! Find That Stride Kelli. You can walk, blame the knee.

I hit the half way point and my lungs were burning. I knew I was running faster than I had anticipated.  I never look at my watch during a race or a run, because I have learned that if its a fast pace - that negative Kelli will tell me its ok to slow down a bit. Get more comfortable.

7:05. Damn. That's really fast. Slow down a bit, you still have the rest of the race.

Nope. Find Your Stride. This is your 5K stride. You are cruising. Feel the pain and enjoy the effort.

I started to calculate in my head what my PR would be. I think the last time I ran a 5K was July 2012 at a 'blistering' time of 27:14. At this race I could crush that pace.

I ran over the 2nd mile marker and looked at my watch. 7:55. Ok, I slowed a bit (normal for not ever running at this pace) but still fast for me. Lungs are on fire. Pump your arms. Lift your knees. My knee? I couldn't even feel it. Can't use that card if its not being played.

I felt like I was on fire. I was passing girls I knew were faster than me. I felt like my lungs opened up and were breathing in the damp morning air, coating any dry patches. I felt like my legs were lighter and thinner than they actually were.

I thought of Catherine, my running mentor. I thought about how she must feel during a hard race. How she "digs deep". I've never really dug-deep. I thought about her accomplishments and how I know that I want those goals and race times one day. Keep running. Keep moving.

I thought about Kristen. My new running partner. She is a very efficient runner, dedicated, healthy, free spirited. I thought about our runs, how I always seem to be gasping for air - whether its my asthma or its the extra weight I'm carrying. I thought about how she doesn't judge me - and how she encourages me. I thought about how much she loves running, just for running. And all of a sudden I realized that I love running, just for running. I love how free it makes me feel. I love how my mornings are spent in the quiet darkness of a huge city. I love how my goals require me to take care of my body and not drown it in booze and cheeseburgers. Yes, some friends think I have become 'lame', and don't 'party' or I take running too 'seriously'.. But running has become my way of life. Running makes me feel good on a bad day, good day, hard day, easy day. Running gives me time to think about issues and my future. Running makes me laugh because Kristen has the cutest sense of humor. Running pushes me. Running never plateaus.

I took my last turn and could see the finish line. I picked up the pace as much as my lungs would let me. They were screaming. Negative Kelli came to play.

You cant keep this pace till the finish. Slow down. You can't breathe. You are tired. You need to pee. What about that knee? Ooh ooh that knee - doesn't it hurt?

I remember saying out loud (people probably think I am nuts) Find Your Stride Kelli. You can do this. This is yours and only yours.

25:38, 25:39, 25:40.. The clock was in sight and I don't think I have ever run that fast in my life. I crossed the finish line and the first thing I did was bend over and dry heave. Runnings lovely way of saying you pushed it real hard and real good. I stopped my watch at 25:41. Its my unofficial time, and the chip time has yet to be posted. I never thought I would actually break the 26:00 mark. My goal in the 5K was to hit 26:59 or better. I never thought I'd run that fast, especially with negative Kelli, a knee issue (that I can't seem to let go of), inconsistent training and some extra weight.

I learned anything is possible. I learned that nothing can hold me back. I learned that it may take some effort but I can kick negative Kelli to the curb - send her packing. I learned that I could have significant improvement with consistent and dedicated training. I realized my running goals are not too far fetched.

I had an almost 2 minute PR. Go me! Big. Fat. Smile. Official Results: 25:37. 5th in AG.

Oh how life love curve balls..

Lately things have been up, really up... But what goes up must come down right? Right.

Life has been really busy, but fun. I've been riding this wave of a huge comeback. I've been running with two really fun new friends, I've been really crunching at work - putting in some serious hours, school - well I have one more week of studying, then next weekend is my last weekend of school and then one final... and I am done... So it seems that there is this like huge change coming my way. I've been running strong and I have refocused my goals for the next year, I'm graduating and will be a full fledged MBA, I'm getting married in less than 7 months......

Then they start laying people off at my firm. My friend was let go this afternoon, after I left the office early. When I found out it made me sit down and take a deep breath. It was a shock and a frightening thought about what could come my way. I've always complained about corporate America. Its the never ending vortex that sucks the life out of my and my only salvation is my running shoes and an empty road. I've come to learn that people who sit high up in their ivory tower in corporate America are more concerned with their own priorities than giving you confidence in your own life plan.

So now what... Well, I think after my MBA I may reconsider my future - doors and opportunities are open for me to consider... Maybe this is the point in my life when all things, not just running, are reconsidered.

On a lighter note - my first race since Houston Marathon, injury, knee dislocation, weight gain, etc, etc., is tomorrow morning. I'm nervous, like its my very first race. But its a 5K! I laugh because a 5K is nothing right - its like a warm up... But after 4 months of inconsistent running, a hurt knee, some extra lbs, its going to be interesting to see how my body reacts and how my knee feels.

My Sunday runs have become much more enjoyable. I've learned that running with a friend is not as daunting and scary as I thought once before.

I'll keep this short. Life is good. Life is changing. I am the only one who can control my own destiny.

Chin up kiddos. And happy running.

Good luck to all those Boston Runners... I hope one day to run that course alongside you all.

Long Run.. Back in the game.

I woke up at 5am.. Excited.. Nervous.. Determined to get my long run done. Now, I say "long run", but I know that really depends where you are in your training cycle. During heavy marathon training, my "long runs" were about 16+ miles. Today, since I haven't run further than 8 miles since January (injury), my 10 mile run was a "long run". I fiddled around in the kitchen, trying to figure out what I could fuel myself with that wouldn't feel like a brick in my stomach and would be easy on my GI system.

I gobbled up half a pack of Glutenfreeda Banana Oatmeal and a piece of Udi's bread with a heap of almond butter on it. I knew I needed to get a touch of coffee on my lips for my system to start moving, and I could go to the bathroom before I left. I made a cup of regular coffee (yes, I gave up caffeinated coffee for Lent), took ONE teeny tiny sip - and boom. Bathroom time.

I gave the man a big smooch on his forehead and told him I was going for a "long run" (I said it with such sass), he simply shuffled in the duvet cover and started to snore.

I got to the park and Landi (@preservingpolly) hopped in my car to escape the wind! Holy crap - the wind literally came out of nowhere! We were waiting for one more girl to join us. It would be the first time the three of us ran together. I was a bit nervous about my pace, my knee, my asthma ... woe is me. (See previous post).. We hopped out of the car, braced the wind and met up with Kristen. Before I could blink, the three of us were headed out of the park on our 10-mile run journey!

The miles seemed to fly by. We talked about friends, babies (we are all childless), careers, races, paces, snot rockets, goopey sweat lips, unshaven legs.. You name it, we chatted about it. It was great.. There were some miles that felt like I was trying to catch my breath and there were some miles that seemed like we were gliding across the pavement. I felt great and it was such a relief to be with two girls who enjoyed running and chatting just as much as me. (If you don't know this, I am pretty much a solo runner, so this was a blessing!)

We stopped at two water stops, stretched our calves and caught our breath. But other than those two moments, there wasn't any walking or slowing down. Our pace was pretty steady through the entire run, staying in the 9:00-10:00 range, which made me smile when I uploaded my Garmin data. My coach, Mark Hadley (www.mprunning.com) stressed to me that my long runs need to be S-L-O-W. I've been running them too fast and not getting the benefits of endurance. Keeping pace with the girls was easy, fun and made the run literally fly by. Running 10 miles on my own, sometimes sucks. I get bored and I get those negative thoughts creep in my head... Today - I had none of that.

Great run. Great new girlfriends. Great (hopefully) new running buddies... If I can convince them to train for a fall race... Muah-ha-ha-ha.

Post Run Update: Knee is a bit tender, which is to be expected... I hope it doesn't linger. I  refueled with some pretty healthy stuff, which is a big improvement to my typical chips and salsa maneuver. Coach said it was okay that I ran 10 versus my scheduled 8-9, he just doesn't want me to push too hard, too soon.

I'm glad to be back in the game. I remember why I love running so much.

Cheers! Here's to me!

The last couple of weeks have really been a whirlwind! Warning: There may be curse words in this post! I've made some serious strides to get all the bullshit out of my life and it feels ahhh-mazing.

I got into this terrible routine of playing this "woe is me" card.

• I can't run because my knee hurts - woe is me.
• I can't run because I am tired, its late, I feel fat - woe is me.
• I can't run and I gained weight - woe is me.
• My job is really stressful and my boss can be a real big jerk - woe is me.
• School is getting really hard, right before graduation - woe is me.
• Graduation is right around the corner, do I still want to work for my firm - woe is me.
• My fiance works crazy hours during tax season and I spend my evening alone - woe is me.
• My birthday is in the middle of tax season and my fiance works crazy hours - woe is me.
• My birthday is in two(ish) weeks and I have no plans - woe is me.
• Wedding planning is super frustrating - woe is me.
• Blah, blah, blah - woe is me.

It became a terrible cycle. Recently, while watching the season finale of The Biggest Loser (awesome show if you haven't seen it, it was my first time following the show), I was listening to these amazing contestants who had put in crazy, exhausting hours - and I was amazed at their results. I literally was sitting there thinking: I want that satisfaction, I want those results, I want to run Boston Marathon, I want to run a sub-3 marathon... None of these fabulous people, sat on their couch eating a bag of butter loaded popcorn (as I was) and said "Wow, I wish I could look like them".. Uh, HELLO? DING DING DING!! As my friend once said to me (after a bad breakup with a previous fling) "It's time to clean out your closet". What does this mean? It's time to get your shit in gear, your life right, your mind right and take some damn action. No one ever accomplished anything sitting on the couch eating a bag of butter loaded popcorn. Ever.

So whats next? Well I had to think about this. I want goals or aspirations that are realistic and achievable. So lets go back to my big boo-hoo list.....

• I can't run #1, #2, #3 from above - I hired a BADASS coach to help me through my journey
• My job is really stressful and my boss can be a real big jerk - let it roll off my back, keep my nose to the grindstone
• School is getting really hard, right before graduation - deal with it, one more month and its over
• Graduation is right around the corner, do I still want to work for my firm - start looking at other opportunities
• My fiance works crazy hours during tax season and I spend my evening alone - he's the breadwinner, deal with it and tell him he is kicking ass and taking names
• My birthday is in the middle of tax season and my fiance works crazy hours - see above
• My birthday is in two(ish) weeks and I have no plans - called the girls and I made my own brunch plans, boom.
• Wedding planning is frustrating - I am getting MARRIED, perk the hell up

So what have we learned here? 

1. I am the master of my own destiny. (Grasshopper). I am a type-A, but am learning that I cannot control everything. The things I have no control over (like when the IRS decides to have deadlines) I must accept and see the good in. 
2. I am the only one who can put in the work during my workouts and I am the only one who will see results during my races. If I want to have my runner body back: put the nasty popcorn into the trash (I can't believe I bought this crap), get off your ass (Law & Order Marathons are on ALL the time), put your kick-ass running shoes on, and GO OUTSIDE. That's all it takes. Literally. Go outside. Run. Get some fresh air and sunshine on that winter skin! Running is a beautiful thing. It teaches me to listen to me. It teaches me patience and courage. It teaches me strength and dedication. Go. Run.
3. Work is work. Some people love it. Some people hate it. If you hate it, find something that you love. Simple. I love what I do, am frustrated where I work - find a new opportunity. The world is open to me - go out there and get it.
4. My fiance works his ass off. Every day. 7 days a week. It comes with the territory when you own your own firm. Be grateful for him. Be humble that he provides - literally whatever I want. Give him a high-five and a big wet kiss. He deserves it. Stop complaining he is never home. Look at the bank accounts, the roof above my head, the kick-ass running shoes I have, and the limitless races I can enter... Thank you Chris.
5. School is almost over. Suck it up. Pay attention. Finish with a bang. The celebrations post graduation ceremony are in the works.... Eye on the prize. You did this for you - on your own, no help. Give yourself a big pat on the back. Tulane's Finance Program is #8 in the nation. AND I HATE NUMBERS! I did it. Almost.

Getting Back To Me

The last couple of months have been a roller coaster. As Will Ferrell would say "I'm in a big glass box of emotions!!" Work has taken a turn that no one expected and the employee moral has taken a big hit (me included), my running was derailed because of my knee injury and I gain a few pounds (which is never fun for a woman, especially a really short woman where is automatically shows), I started to eat fish - which I had to force down at every meal, eventually repulsing me - and its Tax Season so my fiance is working almost 24 hour days.. I'm in my last module in my MBA program, and I'm really trying to stay focused - but its extremely hard.

So why am I bitching and moaning? Because its taken a toll on my body and my well-being. Stress is a killer!

Last night I had a hard time forcing the shrimp from my salad down - and I realized, why the heck am I forcing myself to eat food that I can't stand? I was a vegetarian vegan for so long. So I set down my fork and said, no thanks. I guess I'm 95% Vegan... I love Greek Yogurt and I still eat cheese every now and then. I don't need to set limits on myself. Eat like a nutritionist.

Work is work. There is really nothing I can do to chance the theatrics going on right now. So last night I thought about how I can just put my best foot forward. I have to ride the "painful growing pains" like everyone else.

Running has come to minimal effort. I read a quote last night that Olympic athletes follow through with what they say they are going to do. By all means necessary. Results come first.  I had such high standards and goal for myself. I was right on track to reaching them; milestone by milestone - and my injury really derailed me. I kept eating like I was training, gained a few pounds which really shows on my small frame (drives me nuts) yet I keep over eating. It's time to make a change. I track my food on MyFitnessPal and I haven't been doing that in the last couple of weeks. It really helps me see which nutrients my body is getting. I need to get back to running, I used to have this no excuse attitude and now its either "too early, too tired, too late". Enough is enough. I worked hard to get where I was, and I can't believe I just let all that go.

Tax Seasons is well, apart of my life. I am marrying a tax-man - there is nothing I can do about that. I need to fill my time (when he is working) with exercise or visiting with girlfriends I haven't seen in a long time.

School - I'm three months away from graduation. Stick. It. Out.

Dear You,

Its time to make some positive changes. Its time to get off your lazy-A and complete the goals you once set for yourself. Its time to not let other people or work bring you down to a point where depression is creeping in. Its time to accept the things you cannot change. Its time to put your running shoes back on, you're not hurt anymore - and if you take it slow - you won't get hurt. It's time to set your own path - live your own dreams. Life will always throw hurdles for you to tackle, jump them strong and confidently.

Love, Me.

Today is a new day..... 

I'm not going to look backwards, I am not going that way.

The SLOWEST Recovery

Houston Marathon was wet, freezing, 22mph winds, flooded  miserable... but I finished strong with 4:25:20. Not what I was aiming for, but I did my damnedest. 

That was a month ago today.

I bounce back after races. After Chicago Marathon, the following Saturday (6 days) I was racing in a 10-mile hot and humid Texas race. No complaints. After the 25K came the 30K, throw in a few half marathons in the mix - and I was feeling on top of the WORLD.

The day after the Houston Marathon was like any post-marathon day. Stiff legs, sore quads, 'hot' knees. I waddled around the office, became the typical butt of jokes (since I am the only one who 'torturers myself running')... And I kept feeling this knee pain. I figured it was a typical ache so I rested a few days, then went out to Memorial Park to.. Get.. My... Run... On... 

Ya, that didn't happen. I could barely make it 3 miles. Fail.

Two days later, I decided to try-try-again. I drove over to Memorial Park, set out for an easy 8 mile recovery run, go about 3.5 miles into and my leg literally collapsed. I fell to the ground and I must have let out a squeal of some sort because runners came running over to help the wounded. I stood up and my knee was on fire. Someone said, you've dislocated your cap. I looked down and wouldn't you know.... The cap was towards my inner thigh... So I let the pain sink in, and I hobbled back to my car (1 mile walk), taking rest breaks to lean against trees... Got in my car and BURST into tears. My goals, my dreams, my future races, my Oiselle team... All just felt like they had been taken from me. So.... I did what any super emotional woman would do - I called my fiance to cry harder.

Here is our conversation (summarized):

Chris: Hey

Me: I dislocated my knee cap. I'm at Memo.

Chris: (Long sigh) Well... I guess go to the ER. Where are you now?

Me: In my car (sob)

Chris: Do you need me to help you

Me: No I'm going to driv myself. I'm really mad right now. 

Chris: Does it hurt?

Me: I don't care - I can't run. This is TERRIBLE.

Chris: Maybe you should have listened to you body a bit..........

Me: Hung Up. Angry.

So I drove myself to the ER. Walked in, refused a wheelchair.. and sat angrily on the bed waiting for some shmo doctor to come tell me what I already knew. I just wanted to know if there was anything torn. I mean, I've watched a lot of Discovery Health in my days - I know you can pop it back into place and wa-la. All better.... The doctor came in and said "its dislocated, but we don't have an MRI machine"... WHAT KIND OF ESTABLISHMENT IS THIS? He then told me that running was bad for my body, knees, ankles, joints, blah blah blah... and that to save myself from deteriorating any further that I should stop running all together.

I kindly paid the $250 to the doctor and I drove home.

That night my knee throbbed uncontrollably. I took some pain meds and tried to sleep.

The next day I called my normal Ortho (Dr. Beaver with IronMan institute) and he squeezed me in to look at me. (He's a former colligate runner for Dartmouth).. He walked in the room, took one look at my knee and said - "Well that's swollen"... I finally laughed out loud, firs time since I fell.

He took the standard X-Rays, and ordered an MRI.. He also gave me this crazy steroid 6-day packet which, as he said, would make me feel like I drank 40 cups of coffee and I could punch a panther in the face.

His nurse came in. Asked me to lie back on the table, held my shoulders down.... and you can imagine the pain after my doctor surprised me by snapping my knee cap back into the socket. 

So now its been a month since my last race... I've gained weight, lost stamina, slept in past 6am... Life is good... But I desperately miss running. This weekend is the Austin Half Marathon, I'm on steroids and I'm going to try and run it (NOT RACE IT).... I can't wait to fully recover from this mess.... And I can't wait to start competing again.....

I miss you running.

Love, Kelli

A Slow Marathon Recovery

I'm not sure if it was the rain, wet roads, or 22-mph winds that completely destroyed my legs. It has never taken me this long to recover from a marathon or long distance run. My left knee is swollen (2 weeks post race), tender to touch the knee cap, my left hip is so stiff I can barely bring my leg up to a normal walking stride.. I'm falling apart over here!

Maybe my culprit is that I never stretch. So, last Sunday I went to a Yoga Class for "Athletes". The entire class incorporated these long deep stretches and poses that we would hold anywhere from 2-5 minutes. After the class I felt like a noodle! However, I am still really stiff in my hips. My coach *a fellow Oiselle Team member* Mollie Turner (Website Here - Piece of Cake Running) told me to incorporate some serious stretching and yoga into my daily routine. The poses we completed in the Restorative Yoga class where:

1. Pigeon
2. Happy Baby (Longest pose. My hips/inner thighs are super tight; coming out of this pose was painful)
3. Cobra
4. Downward Dog (We did this a few times, I always walked out my feet to give my calves a little love)
5. Forward Fold
6. Crescent Moon
7. Hamstring Stretch (Used a rope to pull leg further towards me)

Last night I came home and my knee was still bothering me. So again, I took my coaches advice and took cellophane wrap and wrapped my knee with a package of frozen spinach. Today my knee feels much better! I missed my scheduled 5-mile run yesterday (late school night) so I'm swapping it today with my scheduled rest day.

So I'm still not sure what caused this mess with my knee and my hips - but I am determined to get over it quick and get back to my #1 love... Running.

Chevron Houston Marathon

The start line..

It was freezing when I walked outside to check the temperatures at 4am. It was marathon morning and I started to get the impending anxiety that long distances give me. It was 38F, raining and wind gusts where approximately 22mph. This should be a fun race. The 41st Chevron Houston Marathon. My first time as a native Houstonian running the full 26.2..... My home town race.

Chris was grumpy about waking up so early - but he was glad its only one time a year he has to chase me around Houston (last year he chased me for the 13.1)! He laughed when we walked outside.. He said "You are going to have a blast in this".. (Thanks for the sarcasm jerk!) He drove me to the Hilton which is right next to the convention center, where the race starts. I figured I would try to use a nice bathroom versus a stinky port-o-potty pre race. Nothing was happening, my stomach was still asleep. I didn't want a repeat of Chicago where I would have to run off course to find a toilet ASAP... So I took the advice of a fellow runner and popped a little Imodium. (Worked like a charm!)

I stood around the Hilton for a few minutes to keep warm - but I knew I needed to walk over and go to the gear check, etc.. So I braved the elements. As soon as I walked outside a huge gust of wind spit in my face. Misery. The rain was coming into downtown sideways - directly in my face. I was glad I was wearing a trash bag to keep me somewhat warm.

Ready to leave!! Oiselle Running Apparel

I walked into the convention center and everyone was stretching and drinking fluids... I just smiled. I love the hustle bustle of the pre-race. I knew that stretching or doing anything to my legs at this point was really useless. So I sat quietly by myself and thought about the upcoming 26.2 miles. I would be strong. I would finish. I would enjoy it. I would win it.

I finally checked my bag and walked towards the exit to go get in my corral. I ran into a few BCRR members when I was walking out and Nicole (one of the fastest women runners in the club) mentioned something about the trash bag I was wearing... I just knew it would keep me dry and warm.. (Think again!!) As soon as I walked outside wind spit in ours faces... It was so strong I had to bend at the waist to face it. The trash bag was screaming around my shoulders and back - trying to break free. Rain was pelting me. I briefly thanked myself for duct taping the toe box of my shoes to give my socks some salvation from the cold rain.

Standing in the corral - all the runners seemed to huddle together for heat and shelter. Most of them were looking around, giving "are you freaking kidding me" glances... It was pouring rain. Huge drops of rain wear pelting down on us. I looked further forward towards the start and the rain against the buildings was coming in sideways. It was almost cleansing to feel the rain run down my cheeks and drop off my eyelashes. My hair was stuck to my head. My ponytail soaked.

The gun went off with a BANG.

I was in the B corral so it took a little longer than I had anticipated to start moving. Start. Stop. Start. Stop. Finally a light jog. When I crossed the start line and picked up my pace to a comfortable "start pace". The rain felt like needles stabbing the skin on my face. Not so much the "cleansing feeling" I had about 5 minutes prior. I still had my trash bag on and my arms were inside of it. I refused to take it off or rip holes into it for my arms to come out. I was freezing. When we ran down the viaduct water began to collect and the duct tape on my shoes only kept my socks dry for about the first 5 miles. 21 miles of wet socks was in my future. I was still thankful that Landi gave me that idea. It helped beyond belief.

I saw Chris at mile 5 and he said "You are CRUISING". I felt strong, I felt prepared. I hated this rain. When we hit mile 8 the wind began to pick up and I felt like I was running with my eyes closed to keep the rain from hitting my eyes. People began to fall down from unseen (rain covered) potholes, which I immediately thought to run in the center of the street. In Houston, potholes collect on the side of the street from the weight of heavy buses, flooding and hot Texas summers... (Learned about concrete expansion and contraction on a work project) So I think this saved me from a little fall.

At mile 12 this teeny tiny little girl ran up next to me and said, "Ma'am is it normally for your arms to feel funny?" My maternal instincts kicked in.... I asked her how they felt funny, if her chest felt ok or tight, if she was able to breathe, if her tummy hurt..... She said everything was fine but her arms felt tingly when she put them down at her side (we are still running - and she is no older than 12).. I told her that happens sometimes because you keep your arms at your side for so long when you run.. I told her if she started to feel bad to stop, walk and ask for help. I hope she ended up being ok....

I saw my future sister in law Caroline a little past mile 12. She was screaming her head off which made me laugh... I needed that giggle. I was starting to feel 'heavy'... At mile 13 I saw Chris again, with our friends Patrick and his wife Camille - they were screaming for me! I gave Chris a big high five and a big FAKE SMILE. I was starting to have negative thoughts. By mile 15 the wind was full force. My jacket (I ditched the trash bag around mile 9) was flapping around, my hair (long thick hair) was wet and felt like it weighed about 20 pounds on the back of my head, my shoes were heavy.. I started to feel the weight of my legs.. This was NOT GOOD. This wasn't supposed to happen till about mile 20-23. I was in trouble.

Caroline took this around mile 21

Miles 15, 16, 17 were terrible. I fought back tears, stared at the ground, and tried to talk myself out of dropping the race. I figured Chris and his parents would be at mile 18 and I could just stop. My body felt so heavy. The wind felt like I was pushing a train backwards on rusty tracks. I was so cold. My ears felt like they were on fire from the exposed wind, rain and cold.

At mile 18 I saw Christopher's blond hair.. I ran up to him as quickly as I could. His mom had made me such a pretty pink sign "WE LOVE YOU KELLI GO KELLI GO!".. Chris' dad had this horrified look on his face when I ran up. I bend over and put my hands on my knees and said, I don't think I can do this. His mom said very sternly "YES YOU CAN".. Chris told me to suck it up - I trained to hard for this and 17 miles should be a piece of cake for me.... Charlie (his dad) said nothing... (Later to find out he was so worried about me because he said I was extremely pale). I stood up and ran off back to the race, with minimal determination to finish.

Miles 19, 20, 21 were straight into the wind and nothing but pain. I could hear myself saying "You can't finish this. Just run to the med tent. You've come this far just stop"... I knew I would need something to drown out these thoughts. They were so negative, my confidence was gone. I put my headphones in and cranked up the music as loud as it would go. (I am surprised I have hearing left). I rocked those last dreadful miles to ACDC, Carrie Underwood and other strange mixes.

At mile 22 Caroline (future sis) jumped out again and screamed at me.. It took me by surprise since I was zoned out. I told her I didn't know if I could finish.. She said I have 4 miles to go.. 4 Easy peasy miles... She ran with me a couple hundred meters... And told me Chris would be at the finish line for me, beaming with pride..

I kept running. Keep. Moving. Forward.

My pace began to alter, my stride began to shorten. My legs felt like logs. I felt like I was running through knee high water. I couldn't go any faster if I tried. Miles 23, 24 were the longest miles I have ever run.

My good friend Elizabeth jumped out at mile 24 (she ran the half in 1:44) I started to tear up and she told me the hard part was over. I was so close. She told me she would run with me and I told her it was ok - I would be done soon. She was so uplifting. (She does have one of the biggest hearts) She smiled a big white smile which definitely lightened my mood and gave me the last bit of inner strength I needed.... (Thanks Lizzy!!)

200M to go....

Mile 25, I stopped running at the water station and 'sped-walked' while drinking a full cup of water. My arms were tingling. (Which means puke is in my future)... After I drank the water I picked up my pace to a slow run and drowned out the thoughts my mind was saying "you can walk over the finish".... I would rather die. The wind coming into downtown felt like it was swirling all around me. One second I would get this huge push from behind, the next I was fighting to push through the wall of wind.

Mile 26... I saw Ilya a running friend cheering with a cowbell, he gave me strength... and I saw Chris, again... He pumped his arms and told me "GO BABY GO"... I literally couldn't go any faster....but I knew I wouldn't let him down. I knew I wouldn't let myself down. I would finish as strong as my body and mind would let me.

SO HAPPY TO FINISH

200 meters.. I turned the final corner... I saw the big red FINISH letters.. I saw the clock ticking and mixed emotions came over me.. People were running, speeding, flying past me... I couldn't go any faster.... My mind had a hold on my body... I finished at a very slow pace (10:08).. But I finished... I was mad when I finished.. I was happy to be done.. I was cold and began to shiver as soon as I stopped running - medical personnel helped me put another dry shirt on - because I was so cold.... My best friend Erin was at the finish and screamed my name when I crossed the finish line, but I didn't hear her. Knowing she was there - almost brought tears to to my eyes. Finishing this race was so emotionally and mentally draining. My body was prepared. My mind was not.

4:25:20. a PR. And better than Chicago. (Chicago was a MUCH more fun and easier run) The most mentally challenging race. I learned one thing from this entire race.... I need to work on my mental game. I need to work on my confidence. I cannot let my mind take over like that..ever again.